Introduce my family

May is the month of the family. Last Friday was International Family Day. The 11th of May was Mother’s Day. Even in Korea, the 8th of May was Parents’ Day. Therefore, I thought about what the family meant to me.

I grew up under a father who always told me I would belong to my husband’s family after getting married. Perhaps that is why I was never interested in marriage. Even though my home atmosphere was stiffened by my father’s patriarchal ways, I had a good relationship with my younger brother, N, and my youngest brother, J. We stuck together all the time when we were young. They were my sidekicks. As we grew up, we faced the worst time of our lives. During our teens, we could barely see each other’s faces. My mom started work because my grandmother got dementia. My father’s siblings couldn’t help him, so my mom had to support him financially to pay for her care centre bills. Home became an empty place. My father became more bullying and violent. He was upset about whatever bothered him. No matter whose fault it was, he never listened. That made us more silent. I made excuses to study somewhere else rather than at home. Therefore, we barely saw each other, slowly had fewer conversations, and were indifferent to each other. Even in present, we have contact sometimes through Messenger, but mostly through my mom. She felt sad that our relationship had become independent of each other. I explained to her that we care for each other in our own way, and no matter what happens, we are still a family. That is honestly true from my heart. They will be my brothers forever.

After my family split up following my parents’ divorce, I floated around anywhere I could go, and whoever lived with me became family and friends. In the end, I settled in Christchurch, New Zealand, with my boyfriend, M. It has been almost 4 years now that we have stayed together. Which is unusual for me. I never felt I would be settled with someone for a long time. My past relationships couldn’t last more than a year, a maximum of 2 years. M is good at letting me be myself. He has zero judgment about my character and philosophy, respects my own time, and also gives me enough attention to make me feel I’m in love. Most of my past relationships were hard to balance with those things; however, he easily made me understand that we don’t need to waste time on emotional games. He was honest about how he felt, which also made me honest about how I felt. So, I have to say, I didn’t get married to M yet, but he is certainly my family.

Last year, when we visited Korea, I spent most of the time with my mom. I’m glad for it. I even found some old family pictures. My mom, my brothers, and I. They look happy in the frame. I kept some of the pictures to bring back home and looked at them, realising that we don’t have any family pictures together, as grown-ups. Now that M is with me, we must update our family picture together. So, I drew this. Imagine one day we can get together, take a picture and talk about each other’s stories.