Welcome!

Dear. Dreamers.

Greeting everyone. I am so glad to meet you all.

It is a first post, so perhaps not many people will read it yet, but I hope, over time, this space will grow more and become a safe place to talk about silly dreams and wishes.

Why dreams? Why am I so obsessed with them? It is important to have dreams and keep them, even though I know it is hard to do so.

Let me tell you a story.

There was a girl. A girl fell in love with Michelangelo after reading a book about him: his painful life, and yet, his art was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her little life. At that moment, she had two dreams. One was that she wanted to fly to Rome and see that magnificent art in her eyes. Second, she wanted to become an artist—one of the greatest. Just like him.

So she told her parents about her dreams. Well, something she didn’t expect was her parents didn’t like her dreams. They told her the artist never made a living. At that time, she was only eight years old.

Of course, that’s not mean she gave up her dream. But I have to say their words had a huge impact on her. As she grew, she learned a lot of things: ballet, piano, computer, Chinese lettering, math, and other stuff. It wasn’t her will. Most of those came from her parents’ wishes once they gave up due to poverty, rejection, and circumstance. They placed those onto her They reflected themselves on her. Therefore, she slowly lost herself. As time passed, she couldn’t recognise who she was, what she wanted, and what she desired.

There were few chances for her to make her life what she wanted. When she had to choose her major, she asked permission from her parent what she wanted. She needed a lot of encouragement to tell them because she knew what they would say. But she had confidence could persuade them. That confidence shattered the moment she heard her parents say she had no talent for art. Those words destroyed her. She felt like she had fallen off from the edge of the cleft.

Still, she found a way. Luckily, She secretly applied for a product design program at a university. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted—her heart longed for illustration or fine art—but she needed something “practical,” something that would at least fit her parents’ standards. And she was good at it. She got good grades, and most importantly, she could make one of her dreams come true. She saved money from part-time jobs, went to Europe, and finally, she could face the most beautiful artwork in the world in her life. She even couldn’t describe her feelings at that time. The only thing she could say was happy.

But reality waited for her back home. As long as she studied, especially after she returned from a backpacking trip in Europe, she knew whatever she got at the university was not enough. In her final semester of university, a professor encouraged her to pursue further studies in Germany to have more chances to get a better education in the bigger world. But her parents wanted her to get a job instead. She had two younger brothers. Her family was not wealthy enough to support all of them. So, she chose to work over her dreams.

She worked. Worked hard to support her family, to satisfy her parents, and to do she had to. She went to work, worked like a machine, hung around with friends after work, mostly drunk to deal with all the stresses she got, and went to work again. It was a cycle. The cycle she went on was used to it, but her account never filled enough as she expectation. She worked, she changed, and her dreams faded away slowly. It was not only her dream: herself. Her parents wanted her to be better, thinner, and more ordinary. She started to lose herself, again. She was empty.

If her life continued that way, she probably become as ordinary as her parents wished. The girl would meet an ordinary man, get married, have a family, support her family, and perhaps help out her husband’s family as well. And when she died, everybody would remember her as a daughter, a wife, and a mother, but never herself.

But then, everything fell apart.

I don’t know can say it was fortunate to have lost all she had before her life went that way. Her parents’ relationship got destroyed because of her father’s cheating. She stopped to talk with her father because of domestic violence incidence. She and her mom moved to the other city after her parents divorce. After separation from her father, her mother stopped to tell her what to do. Even though she wanted to, her mother wouldn’t say anything other than to support her.

She felt free but lost.

She knew this might be the last opportunity to do what she wanted, but she still couldn’t recognise herself. As time passed she would be in the same cycle again. Lose herself, live for her mother, and have no dreams, passions, or hopes.

That’s why she ran away.

Far, far away.

To find herself.

So, in the end, is she successful? Well, I can’t say the result. She still survived, in a good way. She could recognise herself more clearly than at any time in her life. Because I know she has a dream. A dream she wishes for, able to imagine her future and make her feel like living. First time in her life, she feels she is breathing.

Her story is not complete. I will tell you more about her, how she could find herself, and take back her childhood dream. But little by little, I will write down here. It is a long story.

That is why dreams matter. I saw so many people turn grey without purpose. They were like her. Work, work, work, but empty.

How about you?

Do you feel lost? Do you ever feel like you are working for a life but somehow starting to live for work? Do you give all the support for your family and still feel happy about it, but at the same time, can’t feel yourself anymore? Do you ever feel like you can’t imagine your future? Can you recognise yourself?

How to fix it? I can’t tell you. Because it all depends on you, just like that girl had to run away from everything.

But maybe, this blog, all the stories I will share, may inspire you and give you some ideas to build your life back to colourful again. And feel your breath truly.

It was a long, doomed night. Let’s walk into the dawn together.

Welcome to Daydreamland.